The Tao of Hermione
by Jonoishere
Summary: Mark is a single man in London who owns a shop in Diagon Alley. He calls upon a Matchmaker and meets someone else in an unexpected way. This is a short story. There will be no other parts!! R/R!!!


THE TAO OF HERMIONE  
  
How two indivduals fell in love.  
  
(This was originally supposed to enter a contest, with different character names and jobs, but I was too young:( )  
  
In the glamorous providence of London, two individuals would meet for the first time with  
  
the help of a matchmaker with a certain expertise for finding couplings.  
  
Mark was a twenty-something shop owner in Diagon Alley looking for love. His girlfriend  
  
of five years had dumped him, saying that she "wanted more money."   
  
Mark laughed every time he thought about this, because he was one of Diagon Alley's  
  
richest men. He lived outside the wizarding world but worked inside it.  
  
One day at work, after Mark had successfully figured out a way to make more money, an  
  
employee at his shop, of which Mark worked at, called him to come to her desk.   
  
Mark adjusted his tie and smiled at Janet.  
  
"Hi Mark," she said pleasantly.  
  
"Did you need something?" Mark asked.  
  
Janet flicked a business card at his chest. "You need this," she as she put down her pen and  
  
smiled at him. "That lady is a matchmaker, and you certainly have not been having luck lately in the  
  
love field. Just give it a try, okay? I found my boyfriend through it."  
  
"Do you think I believe in this crap?" Mark snapped. "Matchmakers? All they do is get your  
  
profile and hook you up with someone who has the same astrological sign as you do. Woohoo."  
  
Janet thought for a second. "Me and Dan are both Pisces'... Oh whatever, JUST GIVE IT A  
  
TRY!"  
  
Mark went home and looked at a picture of his old girlfriend. Next thing he knew, he had a  
  
lighter and was cackling evilly as he lit the picture on fire and then threw it in the sink.  
  
"She's burning!!" Mark exclaimed as he clapped his hands together.  
  
The phone suddenly rang. Mark sped over to answer it.   
  
"Hello?" Mark asked.  
  
"It's Janet.. Have you called her yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you going to?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you burning a picture of your old girlfriend and your sink is on fire?"  
  
"No."  
  
But sure enough, when Mark turned around, his toaster had seemed to have joined a satanic  
  
cult which worshiped fire, because it was blazing.  
  
"Um, got to go, Janet! Bye!"  
  
"What the hell? No... call her! CALL—"  
  
Mark slammed down the phone as he ran to get a fire extinguisher. A hectic night this would  
  
soon be, as Mark would eventually find out.  
  
It was a blissful Saturday afternoon and was very cloudy outside with ominous looking  
  
clouds outside billowing lowly over his loft. Mark stared at the phone.  
  
"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match..."  
  
Mark slapped himself. "No. Bad Mark. Will-not-give-in-to-temptation-to-call-evil-phony-  
  
believes-in-reality-show-romance-advocate."  
  
Next thing he knew, he had the phone in his hand and was dialing a number. A voice greeted  
  
him gleefully.  
  
"Hello there young love-seeker! Do YOU need LOVE in your LIFE!?"  
  
"Maybe," Mark said in a scared sort of way. The voice on the other end belonged to a man.  
  
He sounded very-ahem- interesting.  
  
"WELL I'm here to connect you to my adviser, the almighty master of them all, Miss  
  
Matchmaker!"  
  
Mark didn't say a word.  
  
"Hello?" came the other line. "Look bud. I get paid thirty bucks an hour for greeting people  
  
who call. I'm not gonna just speak in this stupid gay voice and have no one respond."  
  
A puff came next. Either he was smoking mary jane or had a few cigarettes in his mouth.  
  
"I'll patch you through... wanker."  
  
Mark did not say anything, but instead waited on the line. There was a click.  
  
"Hello. This is Miss Matchmaker. How may I help you?"  
  
"You can match me with someone," Mark said grumpily, thinking that he was wasting his  
  
time.  
  
"Right... please hold!" And there was a click.  
  
Three long days later, Mark had a date with a supposedly "beautiful, twenty-something  
  
Gringotts supervisor who liked dogs and wild nights on the town." What could go wrong with her?  
  
Many things.  
  
Mark met the woman at Kembarks Restaurant at 7:00PM sharp. When he walked in to the  
  
elegant place, he asked the welcomer if a lady by the name of Lavender Brown had arrived.  
  
"Yes, party of three correct?"  
  
"What?" Mark said absent-mindedly trying to look for a beautiful woman, but instead found  
  
ugly mistresses who were trying to seduce their men by licking there champagne glasses.   
  
"Party of three?" the welcomer asked again.  
  
"No. Of course not. Just two."  
  
"Well then I'm afraid that isn't who your looking for. There is only one Lavender Brown  
  
here but your looking for a party of two and she's in a party of three."  
  
"Whatever... maybe she invited someone else. Just show me to the table," Mark demanded.  
  
"I'm sorry sir. We cannot let uninvited guests to a table they are not permitted to."  
  
Mark was thoroughly pissed now. He sighed and laughed foolishly and then stared at the  
  
welcomer.  
  
"Listen you–" Mark said and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Let me in and you will get  
  
this."  
  
"Nope," the welcomer refused.  
  
"Damn you. LET ME IN!" Mark whispered urgently.  
  
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."  
  
At that moment, a lady meandered up to the welcomer.  
  
"Excuse me. Has a Mark Hendricks arrived?"  
  
"THAT'S ME!" Mark yelled joyfully and grabbed the lady's hand. "I told you, you stupid  
  
arse," Mark directed towards the welcomer and followed Lavender back to her table."  
  
"So Mark," Lavender said as she took her seat, "this is Hermione. Hermione... this is Mark."  
  
Mark gaped at Hermione who was fifty times prettier than Lavender. She had shoulder-  
  
length brown hair with light brown highlights. Her eyes were an amazing brown. She was  
  
sophisticated... magisterial.   
  
"Hermione is my great friend who is a writer."  
  
"That's great," Mark said heartily. "I own a successful shop in Diagon Alley."  
  
Hermione smiled gracefully. Lavender spoke in. "So... Mark... what are some of your  
  
hobbies?"  
  
"I like swimming, dogs, movies... that sort of stuff."  
  
"Really? I like dogs too. I think movies are overrated and expose celebrities too much so I  
  
refuse to watch them. I can't believe you bathe in chlorine. It gives you cancer,"Lavender stated  
  
matter-of-factly. "Do you smoke?"  
  
"Yeah, sometimes," Mark said. Lavender shifted uncomfortably.  
  
Michelle laughed. "I was brought along in case Amanda didn't fancy you. I sure do though."  
  
"You can have him," Amanda said disgustingly. "People who smoke cloud my life and  
  
make me get lung cancer. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SECOND-HAND SMOKE!?"  
  
Mark stared at her.   
  
"Anyhow. I'll head out Hermione. See you at work tomorrow."  
  
Lavender left her seat and left a tip on the table for the waiter.  
  
"Hermione... would you like to order?"  
  
"Yes, Mark. I would," Hermione said and grinned simply.  
  
And that's how two individuals would meet for the first time with the help of a matchmaker  
  
with a certain expertise for finding couplings. The matchmaker sucked, but hey, she did find a match  
  
in a way.   
  
Mark and Hermione soon headed out of Kembarks Restaurant and back to Mark's loft  
  
where they closed the door to the living room and receded to the bedroom and would awake the next  
  
morning as a happy couple who found that they were perfect for each other.  
  
Four months later, Hermione had some breaking news.  
  
"I'm pregnant," she said to Mark.  
  
Mark was gleaming. "What a perfect surprise." He then got down on one knee and asked her  
  
the perfect question for the perfect moment for a new chapter in their life.  
  
"Hermione Granger– Will you marry me?" 


End file.
